Who am I becoming?
"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."
— Anna Quindlen
Many in my community—friends, neighbors, and strangers—have been experiencing what writer Bruce Feiler calls lifequakes: major, disruptive, and often involuntary life events. These significant eruptions can occur with a breakup or divorce, a loss of work, a major parenting transition, or living in a city under the threat of aggressive ICE enforcement.
Along with the upheaval that comes with experiencing a lifequake, we have a chance to reimagine who we are. When our sense of identity, meaning, and purpose are fundamentally upended, we can consciously ask ourselves: Who am I becoming?
What is becoming?
In Michelle Obama's memoir, Becoming, she writes: "For me, becoming isn't about arriving somewhere or achieving a certain aim. I see it instead as forward motion, a means of evolving, a way to reach continuously toward a better self. The journey doesn't end."
I learned about the idea of becoming early in my professional career as a flutist when I realized I had to keep changing. If I didn't experiment and try new ways to create clarity, control, and resonance with my instrument, I would stagnate rather than improve. Evolving was the only path toward becoming a better musician.
The concept of becoming describes a continuous, dynamic process of change, growth, and transformation rather than a static state of being. It represents the unfolding of potential, where life is a journey of ongoing metamorphosis. While there may be discomfort in the process of change, evolving our identity over time can be one of life's most meaningful journeys.
My own becoming
I've experienced more than a few lifequakes, and a huge one came when my 30-year career in the Minnesota Orchestra ended at the beginning of the pandemic. I simply could no longer evolve and improve as a player due to my physical limitations. It wasn't easy to walk away from an identity and passion that I had dedicated myself to since childhood, but with internal reflection, I realized that I had always loved the coaching aspect of working with musicians. By expanding my coaching into new arenas, I saw that I could fulfill my desire to grow my knowledge and skills, to change and become something new.
Now, when lifequakes come to my clients, we work together to explore the values that drive their decisions, the strengths that have brought them through previous changes, and the dreams that may have been on the back burner. We work on letting go of who we once were and make plans to move forward with fresh ideas and new paths. Reframing challenges, reimagining identities, we look for the unexpected opportunities that come with change.
Becoming continues
Perhaps you're navigating a personal lifequake—a relationship ending, a career shift, a role that's evolving. Or perhaps you're becoming a partner in a new relationship, a parent for the first time, or serving in new ways through volunteering.
The process of becoming continues and can take many forms—a transformation, a discovery, a threshold, a door, a journey, a mystery. It is an open-ended, creative process that embraces the fullness of being human.
Wherever you are in your becoming, you don't have to navigate it alone.
An invitation
I invite you to join me and my colleague Jennifer Reece, Bridges Health Coaching, for a small group coaching experience starting April 6th, 2026. Registration is open now for this transformational and supportive six-session journey for those navigating transitions: "What Now? Circle"
If you or someone you know is seeking partnership through a lifequake or the process of becoming, I have space to accept a few new clients this month. Feel free to reach out for a complimentary discovery session to explore how coaching might support your journey.
