Showing up for friends and family in a gender transition
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”
— E.E. Cummings
Chances are, you know someone in your extended circle who has a child or young adult who has transitioned or is transitioning in their gender identification or expression. It may be a neighbor, someone at work, a friend, or a family member.
We know that children and young adults who are transitioning or exploring gender expression are healthiest and safest when they are supported by their family and community. And you may wonder: How do I show up to support a friend or family member so they can support their child?
What You Can Do as a Friend or Ally
Like all life transitions, a gender transition can take time, involve a range of expressions, and bring significant challenges along the way. If someone you care about is walking this road, here are some ways you can offer meaningful support:
Ask what the preferred pronouns or name are and make a practice of using them. When you make a mistake—because you will—forgive yourself and try again. What matters is that you're making an effort.
Respect what your friend decides to share, and when they decide to share it. This is often a very private journey.
Ask about their child and listen. Sometimes the greatest gift is simply being present and willing to hear what they're experiencing.
Treat your friend with compassion and understanding. Just as you would with any other upheaval or transition in their life, show up with kindness and without judgment.
A Complex Journey
When families learn of a child's gender transition, they may experience a whole range of emotions. For some parents, it may be a confirmation of something that has been emerging for a long time. For others, it may come as a complete surprise.
While parents are becoming educated and learning how to support their child, they're also processing their own feelings. They may be wondering what this means for them as parents, feeling alone and grappling with confusion about their child's future. The fears can be profound: Will my child be healthy and safe? Will they find a romantic partner, build a family? There may be feelings of loss—of dreams, hopes, sometimes even a beloved name—alongside pride and hope.
Your friend may be taking on new roles they never anticipated—becoming an advocate, medically and politically, for their child. They're likely educating themselves on unfamiliar territory, searching for resources and support, navigating differences with their co-parent or other family members, and working to find the courage to support their child in living their chosen identity.
A Personal Note
I know what it is to process my feelings and make these internal adjustments during my young adult child's transition to non-binary. I have experienced fear for them—for their place in our society, their mental and physical health, their safety, and their ability to pursue their dreams as their true self. I have also come to a place of greater peace and understanding, seeing my child flourish as they live more authentically.
If you're supporting a child or young adult through a gender transition, or if you're supporting someone who is, please know you're not alone. I work with families navigating gender transitions, and I'm honored to offer support in building comfort, confidence, and connection during this journey.
My colleague Jennifer Reece, Bridges Health Coaching, and I are offering a small group coaching experience starting April 6th, 2026: "What Now? Circle"—a transformational and supportive six-session journey for those navigating change. We'd love to have you join us.
No matter what you're facing, you don't have to navigate the challenges of change alone. If you or someone you know is seeking support during a difficult season, feel free to share this message. I am currently accepting new clients, and I invite you to reach out for a complimentary discovery session to explore how coaching might support your journey.
